Raising Resilient Teens: Insights from Life Coach Kevin Baker -SE4EP12
In this episode of "Parenting in the Digital Age," we’re joined by Kevin Baker, a Certified Professional Life Coach with a mission to empower teens and tweens to become their best selves. Kevin believes that true happiness and success come from within, and through his work, he guides young people on a journey of self-discovery, building resilience, confidence, and emotional well-being along the way.
As both a life coach and a parent, Kevin brings a unique perspective to the challenges and pressures that today’s teens face, from social media influences to self-esteem issues. With compassion and insight, he shares practical tips on fostering open communication, supporting emotional growth, and creating a nurturing environment where teens can thrive. Whether you're a parent, educator, or anyone invested in the well-being of young people, Kevin’s insights offer actionable guidance for raising resilient and empowered children in a fast-paced, tech-driven world.
Join us as we explore how to help teens find their path amidst the noise and provide the support they need to flourish.
https://lifecoachkevin.com/
https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachkevin/
Sponsored by Skill Samurai - Coding, Maths and STEM Academy | | www.skillsamurai.com.au
AI Generated Transcription
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Welcome to the Parenting in the Digital Age podcast. Many parents are concerned that their child might be falling behind. Others are just looking for ways to help their children thrive, not just in the classroom, but socially and well into their future careers. Each episode we explore the challenges facing parents in the modern world, from behavior, education, and nutrition to device and gaming addiction. We interview a range of leaders in the area of childhood development to help you successfully navigate parenting in the digital age. Here is your host, Jamie Buttigieg.
Introduction
Jamie (00:00.0)
Hello parents and welcome to another episode of Parenting in the Digital Age. Now I had heard of life coaches for adults and I didn't even know that life coaches could exist for kids or teens. But in today's episode, we have Kevin Baker, who's a certified professional life coach dedicated to empowering teens and tweens build better versions of themselves or become their best selves. Now as a parent himself, Kevin understands the balancing act that's involved in fostering and nurturing open environment, but teens can thrive. And today he'll share some.
Jamie (00:29.25)
pretty incredible insights on everything from helping teens find their path to practical tips for supporting their growth in digital age.
Interview
Jamie (00:00)
Coach Kevin, welcome to the show. Before we jump into the weeds, why don't you tell us a bit about what you do and what you're passionate about.
Coach Kevin (00:07)
Sure, so I'm a professional life coach certified for teens and tweens and I love to help young adults figure out what it is that they want to do and want to be and figure out what's holding them back from being the best version of themselves. And it's a really great exploratory process where we make friends and we develop rapport.
and we help people. We help people get past things that holding them back.
Jamie (00:39)
That's incredible and incredible purpose. Now I've heard of life coaches for adults. I've dealt with coaches in my own professional career. I haven't so much heard about a life coach for teens. So I think it's incredibly valuable. What would be the difference between, you know, I'm a parent of four. So me sending my child to say a counselor or a psychologist versus a life coach. Is there a difference? you know, why would I go with a life coach as opposed to a counselor perhaps?
Coach Kevin (01:03)
yeah, sure. Yeah, there's a huge difference. So, you know, I'm not a therapist. I'm not a counselor. I'm a life coach and I focus on I focus on the positives and I focus on goals and ways that people can go about achieving them. And then we hold them accountable and we celebrate and we tweak things and figure out the way that is going to figure out the way to achieve their vision, achieve their goals.
I feel like for a lot of people and not all therapists and counselors, but for a lot of them, they focus on a problem. They focus on a traumatic event that's happened for someone in their life and they focus on, they kind of stir it up. They bring up a lot of old feelings that if the person's ready to process those feelings and take that baggage.
and sort of go through it and then figure out what happened and then ditch it, that's great. But a lot of people, they don't even really need to revisit past traumatic events. They just kind of need to realize that it happened and that's why I have that thought. And now I'm going to have this other thought instead. Instead of thinking that I'm not good enough, I'm going to think that I am good enough. And if I practice...
Jamie (02:22)
Yeah.
Coach Kevin (02:26)
I can be one of the best.
Jamie (02:31)
Yeah, incredible. Incredible. What are some of the challenges like in your experience, you're seeing these teens come in and or parents seeking out life coaching. What are some of the challenges that teens are facing today that perhaps they might not have been facing, you know, a decade ago?
Coach Kevin (02:47)
Well, mean, the title of your podcast, know, Digital Age, you know, here we are, you know, and it creates so much anxiety and not just for teenagers either, for parents too and adults. You know, the things that...
At least when adults are on social media and scrolling, they can reason and understand that that's not real. That's Hollywood or that's a production. That wasn't a straight 15 second clip of something that took five days to edit together and make perfect.
you know, a lot of the young adults, you know, especially when their brains aren't fully formed yet, and they might get an impression that a lot of the stuff they're seeing out there is real. And so it gives them this feeling of FOMO.
and you know that they're that they're that they're missing out on something that they're not good enough that they're never going to make it that you know the bar is set so high with these these people on the yachts in the crystal blue waters you know drinking champagne and doing the flips off the thing into the water and they're having so much fun and you know people see that and they think well that that why why can't i have that you know not good enough never gonna have that you know and once when you have those thoughts over and over and over again they actually start to become your reality and become your truth
Because that's what our mind does. The more we have a thought, the deeper and more ingrained the neural pathway and that thought gets. And so we have to change it. And the only way we do that is by doing the work and actually changing the thought and actually thinking a different thought. And it takes practice. And it's like going to the gym, but for mental health. And you have to do the reps like every day, a lot.
And it works. And it's, you know, it's a very similar concept to like affirmations. But the biggest thing we're seeing is the negative self-talk and the low level of self-concept that the young adults have these days.
Jamie (05:00)
So, you talked about social media pressures and that anxiety that's created. So how as a parent would I guide my teen in managing some of that pressure? Because that's really what it is. It's almost this social pressure to be something that you're not. Is there any advice you'd give to me as a parent to help my teen manage that pressure?
Coach Kevin (05:24)
Yeah, think the most important thing that parents can do is really sit down and connect with their child if they're allowing them to engage on social media, to have a profile, to sit down with them and go through it and let them understand what exactly it is that you're looking at. What are you seeing? Is this reality? Is this someone's top 1 % highlight reel? Are they actually, you?
Are they just putting this stuff on there to make themselves look better or feel better? like, you know, what is that intention there? And then for the individual that's taking it in to just be aware of like, that person is, you know, putting this type of information out there that they must be looking for, you know, this type of reaction or response. And then the...
Yeah, so I think connecting with them and being there to teach them about what they're seeing is probably the most important thing they can
Jamie (06:29)
Yeah, yeah, good advice, sound advice. And the other thing that comes along with this social media slash gaming slash device addiction, if you will, is that kids are increasingly more sedentary. They're sitting for longer periods of time. And I believe that this whole physiology can determine your...
psychology to some extent, you know, like if you're always in a dark room and, you know, scrolling through and whatever, you know, back when I was growing up, I'm going to sound old, but, we rode our BMX bikes, you know, until the sun went down and we played football and we were physical upright. And, you know, I believe that when you're sort of in a physical state or, know, your thoughts tend to be more positive. I don't know. What are your views around that?
Coach Kevin (06:55)
100%.
That's right.
100 % mean, listen objects in motion stay in motion. know, we are we are plants with you know, with emotions and brains, we need sunlight, we need water, you know, we need to exercise, you know, I mean that the pillars of health are you know, eating well and exercising and sleeping well and, you know, having the screen all the time and
that in front of you, having that light just changes your circadian rhythm. And it throws everything off. We weren't meant to be sitting in front of screens. It just wasn't something we were meant to be doing. These machines that we are, we're not meant to do this thing. So we're adapting and we're trying to figure out the best way.
Jamie (07:53)
Yeah, absolutely.
Coach Kevin (08:07)
to bring out the generation so that they can roll with it because it's a necessary evil.
Jamie (08:15)
Yeah, it is. It certainly is. It's balance and awareness. And you've got a philosophy that life happens in the mind. Tell me about that.
Coach Kevin (08:15)
The screens aren't going anywhere.
Excuse me for one second. Can I help you? Because I'm in middle of a podcast. This is my son. Emmett, do want to say hi to the world? You might as well. You're interrupting. Yeah. Here he is. He can't hear you, but what's your name? Emmett. Emmett. His name's Emmett. Have a good night, buddy. Okay. So,
Jamie (08:38)
How you doing? What's your name?
Emmett, I'm Jamie. Lovely to meet you.
Love it.
Coach Kevin (08:54)
I'm sorry life happens in the mind. It does we all tell ourselves stories. You know, we tell ourselves stories about About ourselves about other things that are that are happening around us all based on perceptions that we have of that that that have created beliefs in Our minds they've created our belief system and these are things that have been sort of ingrained into us You know between the ages of one and twelve
certain beliefs that come from parents. Some are very positive, your values, your character traits, what you stand for, what's right, what's wrong. A lot of the belief systems come from teachers, people that you trust and they tell you things and you get that input and it goes into your mind and it becomes a truth. Teachers, parents, and preachers.
And they create our belief system because we believe what they're telling us is a truth. And so we have all these thoughts, this collection of a belief system. And so we create a story about how the world is, what the model of the world is, how things work, how people perceive us, how we should perceive other people. And it's so interesting that
Jamie (10:02)
Yeah.
Coach Kevin (10:23)
by changing some of those thoughts, we can change how we feel, and then we can actually ask ourselves...
is a story that is playing in our mind that the internal narrative that we're hearing, is that thought? Is that a fact? And then...
we start to see like, maybe some of my belief system is not entirely built on fact. And so then we can start to change the story. Is it a fact that people are gonna judge me for doing the thing? Like, well, it's not a fact. No, like they might judge, some people might judge and if they have a problem, then that's kind of like their issue.
But for the most part, I think people are gonna judge, but then they're gonna be impressed. They're gonna be proud. So you can sort of take that thought and reframe it and use it to empower you and move on. So you can change the story that your mind has told yourself over the years to empower you and help you be the best version of yourself.
Jamie (11:45)
You know, and that's a skill we need to teach in schools. You know, that's a skill that, you know, we need to learn much, much earlier, as late in life as adults. know, an example of that, that a friend came up to me the other day and said...
Coach Kevin (11:54)
Right. Yeah. I learned it at 41. I wish I was 12. Sorry.
Jamie (12:01)
Yeah, like how different would our life be today had we have had those tools and, you know, train that muscle memory and, you know, because like people hear these tools and they kind of go, yeah, okay. And then the next minute it's gone and they can't apply it. Like you've got to practice this stuff, you know? And this friend that came to me the other day sort of said, he came in and said, you know, I'm stressed and I'm really overwhelmed. I said, hold on.
you're feeling stressed and you're feeling overwhelmed. can, you know, you can control and change those feelings, right? By the story we tell ourselves and often that, you know, the quality of our life or the quality of how we live is largely driven by that story or that narrative that we tell ourselves or the labels we grab onto and hold, you know, like I said, do you really want to hold that, you know, this feeling of stress and, you know, anxiety or depression or whatever it is that you're holding onto for any longer than, you know, today?
Like, you let's come back tomorrow. And he went away and thought about it came back in a completely different state, you know, and but that's not something that comes natural to us as humans, I don't think.
Coach Kevin (13:02)
great. Yeah.
Yeah, not until we're aware. You know, I think not until we're really aware of, you know, how the brain works because, you know, when you get some pieces of information, whether you see something or you hear something, you smell something, you get that information, you get that input, you know, it gives you a feeling. And we have to live that feeling, that emotion, like pass.
Jamie (13:08)
Pardon me.
Coach Kevin (13:37)
you know, and then really like process what's just happening because we can get that input and make us have a feeling that most people would react to. But if you just let it pass and then, you know, have a calculated reasoned response, you know, can change the next feeling that you have. You can control what happens based on how you respond to everything.
Jamie (14:04)
You know, and all this stuff is it's it's evidence based research, but it's science. It's not, not, not an art. And, you know, I just, I don't know. Like, not going to, I'll stop the rant in a minute, but like, why aren't we teaching this stuff in schools? Like, why aren't we giving this stuff to kids much, much earlier in life? Because it's such a foundational tool. Just even the study or understanding of psychology. Anywho, I'll get off the soap box for a minute. growth mindset. How do you encourage, sorry.
Coach Kevin (14:16)
Yeah, it's
Well, could you imagine if we taught them, we're giving them, I'm just gonna talk to your point is, we're giving them all these other tools, how to do math and English, but like, why not actually teach them how to use their minds?
you know, to control the thoughts.
that control everything.
Jamie (14:57)
Yeah, you're 100 % right, mate. It's a skill that will keep pushing. And I'm glad there are people out there in the world championing this sort of stuff with teens and kids. It's a really important approach. And it's not even just for kids that are challenged emotionally, right? Like Coach Kevin, you can take positive kids and work with goal setting. And let's talk about goal setting for a minute. What's the value or the importance of goal setting in teams?
Coach Kevin (15:03)
Mm.
Sure.
Well, you know, it's with anybody. If you have something you're passionate about that you can formulate a goal around and give yourself a target and know where you're going and actually visualize it, then everything you do between now and the time you reach your goal is going to be
pushing you towards making that goal. Like you'll do things, you know, subconsciously that will help you towards your goal. If you can visualize it and make it your truth and make it who you want to be, then you can achieve it.
And how we do that is, you know, I love this exercise that one of my coaches actually completed with me. we went through my whole scenario of, what an ideal life looks like and what do you look like, you know, 10 years from now or five years from now from working with a teenager. You know, what do you look like five years from now? Where do you live? And I asked them to pull the images out of their subconscious. I don't want them to answer the questions verbally. I want them to close your eyes. We get almost into like a meditative state. Like we'll change the brain state.
so that everyone is calm and relaxed and lots of breathing. then we'll go through some questions. And they actually, come up with the answers with a picture in their mind and they can see it. And their imagination, I tell them, is, I think it was Mark Twain who said, your imagination is a preview of the coming attractions in your life. And so if you can think it, if you can see it, you you can make it happen.
and you can do it. So we take that vision and we take that target and that goal and you saw yourself conducting an orchestra at Symphony Hall and great big applause at the end and you were looking.
intently at the string section from it there and you saw that you had a significant other there. Those are all visions and a target to where your life's gonna go. So now we're talking about...
you know, learning how to conduct or getting better at that or picking up a principal instrument in a string section and starting to learn it and, you know, going down to Symphony Hall and meeting an usher and talking to, you know, getting in the place and trying to get a job there. And who knows what the future brings, but when you have that vision and you have a target, you sort of can start to focus in on what you could be doing and what you should be doing based on your vision.
Jamie (18:05)
So how do you take that vision or, know, in your process when we're working with tweens, you know, okay, I have a vision and a thought, and then I go back to the day job or I go back to reality or I go back to school and often that thought can disappear, you know, in my professional life, I've worked with many people who are great at goal setting. mean, I've got dozens of goals up here and, you know, there's a process that I use then translate that so that they become a reality because the missing piece.
Coach Kevin (18:19)
Hmm.
Jamie (18:32)
in my view is often that execution where the rubber hits the road. You know, I've got a goal. I walk into people's homes and I see vision boards, you know, but they're further from their vision than when they actually set the vision in first place. How do you, how do you, how do you get that vision to translate to reality or at least, you know, get them on that path towards that goal?
Coach Kevin (18:34)
Hmm.
Well, the first thing is you have to tell people, find your best friend and tell them everything you're going to do. Lay out the whole story. Tell them the new story, what's happening. In five years, I am going to be doing this thing.
and then speak it and tell yourself and tell your friends. Go out in public, you see somebody at the grocery store at checkout and tell them what you're gonna do and it really starts to manifest it and then it becomes your reality.
and it's actually the thing that you're doing. And then everything you do will sort of send you in that direction. Speak it, write it down, tell your friends all the time, tell yourself before you go to bed. Tell yourself how grateful you are for everything that happened today that pushed you in the direction of your goal. Tell yourself how excited you are for tomorrow and everything that's gonna bring. And be thankful about something that went right today.
and then carry that forward into the next day. But continuously manifesting and telling people and speaking it and writing things down and visualizing your goals is great. But the one thing that sets apart successful people from unsuccessful people is taking action. And the bummer about getting good at something, and I can't take credit for this statement because somebody at my gym told me this.
The bummer about getting good at something is you have to do the thing you want to get good at in order to get good at it. And you have to keep doing it over and over again until you master it, until you're great at it. And so forcing yourself to take that action and do the thing that you don't want to do. You know, there's one thing in your life, right now that you don't want to do, that you've been procrastinating on, it's a hard thing.
and you haven't done it, but that's thing you need to do in order to move forward to the next level. And everybody's got that thing. Everybody's got it, I haven't. I haven't done it, I'm procrastinating.
Jamie (20:56)
Yeah. It's so, so important. And I love that piece about accountability, actually telling somebody your goals too many people, even if they get to the stage of setting goals, even if they get to the point of writing them down, even if they get to the point of putting some action steps next to those and even timeframes, they let themselves off, you know, they don't hold themselves accountable. We're just humans. not very good at holding ourselves accountable often, but telling the world, you know, and the more pub
Coach Kevin (21:23)
Yeah, and life gets in the way too. Yeah.
Jamie (21:25)
It does. Yeah, too true, too true. OK, so growth mindset. You know, how do you encourage these teens that you work with to adopt a growth mindset?
Coach Kevin (21:39)
Hmm. Yeah, it's so important and it's so tricky sometimes. But it's really, it's really about...
trying to get them to understand that they have no limitations and that life is what they make of it. And they have the one life and there's two types of thoughts. There are limiting beliefs and there are empowering beliefs and there are thoughts that hold us back and there are things that push us forward. And...
Life is hard. And...
can be really, really, really hard. And some days...
Some days you don't want to do anything. Some days you feel like you just can't keep going. Like you just, you want to give up. And those are the days when you have to rely on your self-concept and your character traits of being kind and strong and respectful and have a good work ethic and know that...
You know, those things are gonna pick you up and keep you going so that you can grow. And it's so important to have that knowledge of yourself and your character traits in your mindset, but also to know that...
know, the sky's the limit and you can do whatever you think of. And it's all about the way you think about it. Remaining positive and knowing that there's always a way. There's always a way. No one, no one...
Jamie (23:33)
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Coach Kevin (23:48)
everyone should practice the statement of not, you we can't, but how can we? You know, always ask, never say I can't, but how can I? You know, what's the way? How can I do that? Because there's a way to do everything. You how can I do it? And if you keep just trying to figure out the way, that's growth. Like, don't get shut down. Like, don't get uncomfortable and think that I can't do that because...
You know, just because it's uncomfortable doesn't mean you can't do that. It just means you need to get out of your comfort zone. You need to do the hard thing. And I'll tell you, once you do that hard thing, once you get out of your comfort zone and you become uncomfortable, you actually get better at it and you actually grow. And that's the way to keep growing is keep doing the uncomfortable things so that there's nothing that can make you uncomfortable.
Jamie (24:39)
I love that coach Kevin and you know, there's some gold there in what you just said that I want to point out to parents again. It's just the quality of the questions often determines the quality of your outcome. And the question you asked there is, okay, instead of owning the fact that I can't do this or it's too hard and saying, well, if I could have, what would it look like? Or how can I do this? Or what do I need to make this happen? And just by shifting that to 2 % or two millimeters and asking a different question.
ensures a different outcome. And that's powerful, not just for our teens or our kids, but for our parents. So that's a tremendous bit of gold there that our parents, I know, will take away from this conversation. So thank you for sharing. In terms of teens, I was having a conversation last night with a very good and old friend of mine. And he seems to think it's harder for kids now, teens going out of school.
to get into the workforce because there is so much choice and there is so much more knowledge than there were. There were fewer options available to us 20, 30, 40 years ago than now. Do you have any advice for those teens who are unsure about their next steps? I know teens in my own circle who are literally not working.
because they don't know what they want to do with or they're scared of failure or scared of doing something they don't like. You know, any thoughts or advice around this? Big question. Sorry, it's a big question.
Coach Kevin (26:00)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, say yes to everything. Yeah, say yes to everything.
That's the answer. Someone asks you to do something, they say yes to it, and just go and do it. Because we will sit here, paralysis by analysis, trying to figure out what the right thing is to do and pass on opportunities while we're just sitting here trying to figure out what the next thing is to do. And how the universe works is that it brings things to you, and you get a challenge.
And the challenge that you get is something that you actually need to do in order to grow. So when someone comes to a young adult with an opportunity for say work or to learn, they might say, no, I'm not interested in that or I don't want to do that. But you know what? The trick is you actually have to say yes to that. As much as you don't want to, you have to say yes. And that.
Will will set them off on the right course that the minute they start saying yes to things and get out there in the world and figure out that actually I kind of like this and it might be a passion of mine and maybe I could turn it into a career or like I definitely don't want to do that for career, know, like they're gonna figure that out, know, and that's a choice they need to make and do But taking action and saying yes is the only way you're gonna figure it out
Jamie (27:29)
That's true. And this, the answer you gave there may also fall into this next question, but, know, I often see teens that don't have a purpose or don't have something that truly drives them, whether it's a sport, a hobby, a passion, a career view or whatever it is, just, you know, like finding their purpose or their why. So how do you encourage young kids to find their purpose?
Coach Kevin (27:57)
Well, you know, we start...
Jamie (27:58)
And as I said, part of this may be linked to the last answer. I don't know.
Coach Kevin (28:01)
yeah, it certainly is. mean, listen, you need to be open to anything, right? So saying yes is always a thing. But really, the first thing is to figure out what you like. And by just starting to scratch the surface on things that they like, whether it's, I really like to walk the dog, or I like to jump on the trampoline, or I like to cook dinner.
or I like to help with yard work or I like to play with friends or I like to go for a bike ride, like any of the likes. The likes, they can turn into passions. And really what they need is just someone to help sort of foster those likes and get some other people involved, some peers involved, maybe join a group of people that like to code video games.
or people that share a love of archery or whatever it is that we're talking about, but find a community. To find that community really helps to foster those passions and also make a connection and feel like, okay, now I have this purpose. maybe then they find out that my purpose, really what I like to do is I like to go and I like to help people in the group.
that are struggling with this code or knitting this thing or building whatever we're building. And maybe I'm a helper. Maybe I I love now, I really like this and I like, because people, they're responding to me so positively when I go and I help them. So just finding the thing that you like and building upon that.
is the first step.
Jamie (29:51)
Yeah.
It is so true, Kevin. Let's talk about values for a minute. I often ask as an interview question when recruiting team members, and this is often the hardest question that they find to answer. And I ask them to sum up their values in three words. And, you know, I think it's incredibly powerful for kids to ask themselves, what are my values or to define the values that they want to help shape their life? I don't know, maybe you agree or disagree.
What role do values play in the work that you do?
Coach Kevin (30:27)
The values are a key component of that self-concept that help really formulate that individual's foundation. So when life gets hard, because it does get hard and it will get hard, that's when you have to lean on those values. Like along with those character traits, it's the values of being respectful and being honest and...
and loving and patient and strong and whether you value family or work ethic or friends, it's those things that make you who you are that keep you from really...
going backwards on the bad days. You know, they keep you from falling into a pit because you just have to remember, you know, I'm Kevin and I'm strong and I'm respectful and I value family and friendship and love. And then you take all that positivity and you remember who you are and you build up that grit and that resilience and you go and you try again. You know, and you do the thing again.
And you try it again and you fail and you try it again because you're strong and you're kind and you're loving. You try it again. And that's the thing that that's the thing that makes success is keep trying. And you need that foundation of those values and those character traits to make you strong enough to want to keep trying. Those are the things that keep you from going all the way down. And it's a foundation that we can stand on to to launch from in my mind.
Jamie (32:20)
Yeah, yeah, well said. Many things well said and lots to unpack on this podcast today. Now, Coach Kevin, tell us a bit about the programs that you offer for families. Are they for families, specifically in the US or is it that can families from around the world access these programs? Tell us a bit about your work.
Coach Kevin (32:39)
Yeah, it's from anyone in the world. And typically we start with a parent consultation. The parents, great parents out there, they see red flags and they are frustrated and they're confused. Why is my child not wanting to get out of bed every day? Why are they not getting good grades? I had dozens of friends in school. Why don't they have any friends? All these issues that the parents see and feel.
We chat about those and then we sort of talk about the results they want to see. your child doesn't have many friends. How many friends would you like them to have? You want them to have three more friends, three friends in two months? We could do that. We can get them three friends in two months. You want better grades? you're at Cs now and you want to be at Bs? Yeah, we can do that. We can do that in two months. Can we get to As? Maybe we can get to As. Can't guarantee that, but we're definitely going to get to Bs. And so we have the conversations with the parents.
and I see what they're feeling and I see what results they want to get. And then I chat with their child or young adult and we start to build a rapport and we figure out what their likes are and we figure out their passions and their skills. And then we figure out how they're feeling because it's all about how the young adult's feeling.
And if they're frustrated and overwhelmed, we try and dig down, well, why are they feel that way? And figure out that, know, they have this thought. They have this thought that, you know, they're not good enough. And then say, well, why do you have that thought? Well, I don't know. I just have it. Was that a fact? Well, no, it's not a fact. Well, then why do you keep having it? Well, I don't know. It just keeps happening.
Do me a favor, next time you have it, stop for a minute and realize that you just have that thought that you're not good enough. And then tell yourself, you know what, actually I am good enough. And I don't need to listen to this little gremlin on my shoulder that's trying to hold me back. You know, I am good enough and with practice, actually I could be one of the best. And think that thought every time you hear that gremlin on your shoulder.
And then we talk about, so like that's one thing that'll hold them back, and then we talk about how we can go forward. And then we do the visualization exercise where we start to talk about where they see themselves in five years. What are they doing for work? What are they passionate about? What's their life's purpose? And then we start to uncover more and more about the individual. A lot of stuff probably that the parents might not even know.
and and so
And then, you know, and usually, usually we'll move on to the next session and we start to set some goals and we start, we set smart goals, which are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound. And we pull out some action items that they can use to achieve those goals. And then on the next session, we'll hold them accountable. We'll celebrate because we know they're, they're at least going to knock off a couple of those action tasks. And then we celebrate because they're moving forward and that celebration helps fuel the
motivation to keep going and then we just keep we build we build on goals in different aspects of their life we look at it from a holistic approach and we we take a look at you know academics we take a look at sports we take a look at relationships family and finances and career and legacy and all those things that people need to be happy and we we go through them one by one and we we make sure that the person is feeling like they're doing the best they can in all those areas
Jamie (36:34)
And are these one-on-one consults kind of weekly? Is it a 12-week program? it just an ongoing? What does it look like for a parent and a child, team?
Coach Kevin (36:42)
Yep. So we have a one-on-one 12 week program, which also includes group calls, which are once a week. And so we'll have a one-on-one earlier in the week, and then we'll do a group call with everybody. And they bounce ideas off each other, and we celebrate our successes. And it's really a great way for everybody to help each other.
But yeah, so it's a 12 week program, one-on-one, that includes two parent sessions as well. So we talk in the beginning, we talk at the middle, and actually it's three parent sessions, because we talk again at the end. And we keep in communication, and we have a whole list of action items that we send after our one-on-one sessions, so everybody can keep organized and make sure we're hitting our points.
Jamie (37:34)
Sounds like a great, actually an incredible program for teens of no matter where they're at in their life. One question that I like to ask every guest on the finish of each podcast and also an important one, I suppose, that if coach Kevin had a time machine, a theoretical time machine and you went back to your 12 year old younger self, what is the one piece of advice that you give to your 12 year old younger self, young Kevin?
Coach Kevin (38:03)
Well, that's a great question. And actually, that's one of the reasons why I love coaching teenagers is because it's like I get to go back in time, you know, and tell them some things that I wish I had known. But the one thing I think that that I would tell myself is that I can control everything with my thoughts. And if you can control your thoughts, you can control how you feel.
and how you behave and the results you get and that just helps to create more positivity and positive thoughts. And I think that there's a lot of noise out there today and it's so important for people to just tune it out and focus on what's happening in here and listen to that internal narrator to see what it's saying.
when there's no noise around so that you can start to build awareness about the thoughts you are having so that you can change any negative ones that are holding you back.
Jamie (39:14)
Very powerful advice and something that hopefully one day we get to see taught in schools. But in the meantime, there are wonderful programs like yours and I'm sure hopefully many others around the world that parents can access. Coach Kevin, thank you for your time, your generosity and your wisdom on today's show. I certainly hope we cross paths again in the future.
Coach Kevin (39:32)
Thank you, Jamie, it was a pleasure. I really appreciate it.
Jamie (39:35)
Thank you and bye for now.
If you enjoyed the show, please connect with Jamie on LinkedIn or Instagram. You'll find links in the podcast description. Parenting in the Digital Age is sponsored by Skill Samurai Coding and STEM Academy for Kids. Skill Samurai offers afterschool coding classes and holiday programs to help kids thrive academically and socially while preparing them for the careers of the future. Visit www.skillsamurai.com.au.
This episode is sponsored by Skill Samurai - Coding & STEM Academy www.skillsamurai.com.au.